Tess rode through the day and night, though she was exhausted and hungry. She wanted to stop, but she couldn’t—she had to see Ayden. Early the next morning, as the clear sky was just starting to lighten, she reached Chendal. She stood before the temple and looked up for a moment to the blue stained-glass window with a golden sun design—the goddess of healing’s symbol. Unfortunately, she thought, there wasn’t anything a healer could do for stupid mistakes.

It was High Priestess Salyn who answered the door when Tess knocked. She was always there very early making sure everything was in order for the day. “My dear,” the gray haired woman said with a hand on Tess' shoulder and a sympathetic look on her soft face. All of Aryst’s clergy had the power of empathy, so Salyn knew everything Tess was feeling. “You’re completely exhausted. Why don’t you let me show you to a room?” When Tess shook her head, Salyn patted her arm gently. “Well, I’m sorry to tell you that your cousin went home yesterday, you just missed her. But... is there anything I can do to help?”

“Thank you, High Priestess,” Tess told her. “I’m not looking for Sera. Actually, I’m trying to find Ayden. Is he here?”

“Oh.” Salyn shook her head. “I haven’t seen him, but then I just got here a few minutes ago. Let’s go ask Edna,” she said, referring to one of the young healing clerics that resided on temple grounds most of the time, as Sera did.

Tess stifled a yawn as she followed Salyn, watching her light blue robe almost brush against the white marble floor as she went. The swaying motion was hypnotic, lulling her into the sleep her body so desperately wanted. She had to blink and look elsewhere after a while—luckily she did so just in time to miss running into a white pillar.

Cleric Edna was sitting in the front pew in the sanctuary, her head bowed, murmuring her morning prayers in Ancient Presbelic. As they walked up the light blue rug in the center isle, Tess wished that Salyn would move faster. If Ayden wasn’t here, then the high priestess' slow pace was seriously wasting time.

Still, Tess smiled politely at the cleric and made sure her tone was cordial. “Hi, sorry for bothering you, but I’m looking for Ayden. Have you seen him?”

“Yes,” Edna answered. “He’s been in the garden for hours. I tried to offer him a room and some food, but he—”

“Thanks,” Tess cut in; any patience she may have had, left as soon as she knew Ayden was nearby. She hurried to the back of the room toward the side door. Normally she would have jumped over the last pew, but she knew she was too tired to chance it; she would probably just fall on her face, though she was annoyed with the few extra seconds it took her to go around. She finally made it to the heavy wooden door and pushed it open.

She walked out into a small yard surrounded by a low stone wall built from the same almost-white stone as the temple was. Ayden was sitting with his back against the wall beside a flower bed. His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his red, puffy eyes were focused intently on a little daisy he was holding.

Fear knotted in her stomach as she worried more than ever that Matt was right. Letting the door swing closed behind her, she walked to him and knelt down on the grass, barely noticing that it was damp from the morning dew. Ayden turned his head away from her, and new tears slid down his face.

“You know what happened... with Matt?” she asked very quietly.

“I saw,” he said in a hoarse whisper that was barely audible.

She cringed. “Is that why you left?”

He gave a small nod.

“Ayd... do you love me? Romantically, I mean?” she asked then held her breath.

“Yes.”

She let her breath out in a rush. “Gods, Ayd.” Her eyes, already stinging from the need for sleep, stung more with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You didn’t know?” he asked incredulously, his voice still a whisper.

“No. How long have you...?”

“I’ve always loved you,” he mumbled, continuing to look at the daisy instead of her, though his gaze became distant, not seeing the flower but a memory. “I realized it when we were ten. We were sitting in the grass, picking daisies to make your mom a flower bracelet, but I kept putting them in your hair instead. Then... when I looked over at you, you looked like a bride with all those little white flowers like that. And I thought: I’m gonna marry her someday.”

He wiped at his face and sniffed as his eyes refocused on the daisy in his hand. “I’m such an idiot... never once, in all the time that followed, up until very recently, did I ever stop to think that maybe you didn’t feel the same. We always talked about how we’d be together, just you and me, forever. I thought we meant the same thing. I didn’t say anything because I thought you just weren’t interested in romance yet. And that was okay, because I’d be there when you were ready.” He let out a shaky breath. “I never realized that it was just me you weren’t interested—” His voice broke, and he turned his head away from her, crying harder.

Her own tears continued to fall as she moved closer and tried to hug him, but he got up and walked a few feet away, keeping his back to her. “Just leave me alone,” he pleaded miserably.

She stood, too, but didn’t try to touch him again. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ayd... I never was interested in romance. I never thought I wanted it. I never even thought about you wanting it. I was happy with how we were. I thought we’d always be like that. And I do love you, Ayd. I don’t know how... I just do. Matt was different, I—”

“Tess,” he interrupted. “I don’t wanna hear it, okay? I can’t... it doesn’t matter.” He glanced back at her for a moment then looked away again. “None of it matters anymore.”

“Don’t say that. Nothing has to change. We can still be friends, and—”

“I don’t wanna be your friend,” he mumbled.

“Ayd...” She stepped closer and slipped her hand into his, holding it.

But he pulled away as if her touch physically hurt him. “Just go back to your stupid jerk and leave me alone!” he snapped.

“I wanna stay with you.”

“I don’t want you to stay. I can’t even look at you without feeling sick.”

She cried harder. “Ayd, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. If you had just told me—”

“I thought you knew!” he repeated heatedly. “Everyone else did, I don’t see how you didn’t. My whole life has revolved around you for twelve damn years. Everything I did was for you. Everything I gave—” He stopped himself from saying whatever it was he going to say and sniffed. “But I was just your stupid puppy,” he said bitterly. “Well, at least I won’t be hard to replace.” He turned to look at her finally, his eyes narrowed and angry now. “Just buy yourself a dog,” he told her harshly and walked away.

“Don’t go,” she begged desperately, but he kept walking. There was so much to say, but she couldn’t think of anything. All she could think of, all she could feel, was her fear of losing him. But then she glanced down at the Spirit Dagger in her boot. “Wait! I need to tell you about Matt, he’s—”

“I don’t want to hear it!” Ayden said sharply, glaring at her from over his shoulder.

“Ayd, please just listen to me. You don’t understand.” He didn’t stop, so she started after him.

He waved a hand toward her without looking back, and suddenly she collided with his shield. She gasped, partly in surprise and partly in pain, hardly believing that he would do that to her. She pressed her hands against what felt like thick glass, making it glow a steady blue under her touch. “Ayd...” she whispered brokenly as she watched him go through the door into the temple, watched him walk out of her life. It was the one thing she had never dreamed she would see.

She sunk to her knees, sliding down the shield and leaning her head against it. She couldn’t be losing him. Not him. Not Ayden. She felt hollow; her life was completely wrapped up in him. They were a team, they were... part of each other. She couldn’t be without him—she was nothing without him.

She started sobbing, and her chest hurt to the point that she almost couldn’t breathe. Her mother’s words came back to her: “There are healing spells and clerics that cure poison, but there is nothing that will ease the pain of your heart being ripped from your chest.”

Tess was sure this wasn’t what she had had in mind. Her mother had almost lost her loved ones because of her dangerous quest, not because of her own stupidity and weakness.

__________

Tess got some food and bought a new saddle at the stable before riding north. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She didn’t know anything... so she headed home. Her father would know; he would make things better somehow, he always fixed everything. She clung to that thought. It repeated in her mind like a chant, keeping her going: Dad will make it okay.

Though she wasn’t starving anymore, she was still beyond tired, and she could have cried for that alone. Everything hurt—her body and especially her heart. She had to rest. She couldn’t keep going like this.

It was nearing noon and she was falling asleep on top of her horse when she finally gave up. She tied her horse to a tree on the side of the road and lay down on the grass. Just a few minutes’ rest and she would be okay. But as soon as her head touched the ground, she fell asleep.

Someone saying her name woke her up a few hours later. The first thing she felt was hope—Ayden had come back! But she opened her eyes to see Matt. She closed them again with a groan. Couldn’t the world just stop for a minute? She wasn’t ready to face him. She couldn’t face him, not alone. But it was too late now; he had caught up with her. And it was her own fault. She hadn’t even thought about Matt when she had laid down; she had been too consumed with exhaustion to think at all.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Matt told her. “I just need the dagger.” He glanced down at her empty boot sheaths. “Where is it?”

“Up your ass,” she muttered.

“Tess...” His tone was firmer, but still very quiet. “Give it to me.”

“Why don’t you just kill me and take it?” she asked dejectedly. She really didn’t care at the moment. She knew she should—the whole world was at stake—but she couldn’t get past her own pain, couldn’t find the energy to care.

Matt looked up the road for a moment then raked a hand through his hair. “I really don’t want to kill you, Tess,” he told her sincerely. “But there’s not much time, so just give it to me and get out of here.”

She sighed. “Go to hell.”

He glanced up the road again and swore under his breath as six men on black horses came into view, all wearing red-and-black armor and bearing the head of a hellhound on their chests.

Tess followed his gaze and sighed again as she sat up. She had lost. She was nothing against seven men. She could have laughed at herself, at what a ridiculously bad hero she had turned out to be.

When they got close enough, they dismounted and Matt looked back at her. She met his gaze and his eyes seemed apologetic. “You’re going to have to go to hell with me,” he whispered before he stood and stepped back, his eyes turning hard and cold. “Take her,” he ordered, his voice now commanding and emotionless except for an edge of annoyance.

The men grabbed her arms and pulled her to her feet. She didn’t struggle—there was no point. She kept her gaze fixed on Matt while they tied her hands in front of her with one end of a long rope. It all came down to him, she thought, her whole life was ruined because of him. She wanted to hate him, but she felt nothing. She was too weary to feel anything.

And it wasn’t him anyway. He wasn’t the failure, she was. He was just doing his job, being the bad guy. She would expect no less from Kieran’s son. And now he was accomplishing what he had set out to do. He was the winner, and she was the pathetic loser who had so easily fallen into his trap. It was her fault she had lost Ayden, and now the world would suffer because of her stupidity.

“Where’s the other one?” the largest of the men asked Matt

“I don’t have the other. We’ll use someone else.”

“But—”

“Do not argue with me, Craig,” Matt said menacingly, obviously lacking patience at the moment. “Unless you’d like to volunteer yourself for the sacrifice?”

“No, sir,” the man answered quickly.

Tess knew by the man’s tone that Matt would actually do it. They were scared of him. She wondered now how bad he really was—as bad as his mother? She supposed she would find out soon enough. Then suddenly, she remembered hearing about how Kieran had tortured her uncle. Death was one thing, but torture... She swallowed hard.

Matt looked up and down Tess' body. “She has the dagger. Search her.”

Craig did so. His large hands slid over and patted every part of her, even places where she obviously couldn’t have hid the weapon. She wanted to push him away, but she stayed still and continued staring at Matt, feeling half-dead already.

“Got it,” the man announced as he found the dagger tucked into her belt against her back, under her t-shirt.

“Head northeast through the forest,” Matt commanded as he took the blade. “I’ll catch up in a while.”

“Yes, sir,” Craig said, forcing Tess up onto her horse. He took the other end of the long rope he had tied her hands with and wrapped it a few times around his saddle horn before swinging up into his saddle.

Matt jumped onto his own black mount and grabbed the reins in one fist before turning to face the others. “Touch her and I’ll kill you myself,” he promised fiercely before he kicked the horse and rode off down the road.

__________

That night, the six guards lay sleeping in a small clearing, spread out around a campfire, snoring. Matt slept a couple of yards away from them, lying on his back with his hands on his stomach. He held the other end of the rope that still bound Tess' hands while she slept, or was supposed to be sleeping, a few feet away.

She pushed her personal problems aside for now; she had to focus on what was really important. She had to at least try to stop Matt from bringing Kieran back. She figured that if she could get the Spirit Dagger without waking him up, she could try suddenly tugging the rope free and then running. Matt might be strong, but she was fast. She looked at the forest around them—she could simply stay in the trees, jumping from branch to branch, tree to tree until she was far enough away from him. It would be difficult with her hands tied, but once she got up there, she could cut herself free with the dagger. She smiled—there was no way he, or his men, would catch her.

Slowly, she got to her feet and, staying low to the ground, crept silently closer to Matt’s left ankle. Earlier she had seen him take a dagger out of his boot from under his pant leg; she assumed it was a dagger that only Malluk’s clergy owned since it had a teardrop-shaped ruby in the gold pommel and a hellhound engraved on the black handle. Now it was in his saddlebag, and the Spirit Dagger was in his boot sheath. She reached out and very gently touched the bottom of his pant leg.

“Don’t make me tie you to a tree,” Matt grumbled without opening his eyes.

She pushed his pant leg up quickly and grabbed the dagger, but he caught her wrist and pressed his thumb hard into the underside, just below the rope, forcing her to let go of the weapon. He pulled her arm away from it and threw her aside. She sat on the ground and sighed heavily in defeat.

He turned his head to look at her. “Go to sleep,” he ordered. “Unless you have something to offer,” he added meaningfully, though his tone was nasty instead of smooth and suggestive as it used to be.

“Dream on.”

“Then let me sleep.”

“Sure—just as soon as you let me go.”

One of the brutes woke up. “Everything okay, Mathias?”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Do you think I’m incapable of handing a woman?”

“Of course not,” he answered quickly. “Sorry, sir.” The man lay back down, facing the fire.

“I see you have your own puppies,” Tess said.

“They follow my orders. They don’t braid my hair and mend my boots,” Matt replied coldly.

She huffed a sigh. “So is this the real you, then? Was everything else just an act?”

“I can be nice if I have to be, to get what I want,” he told her. She looked away, feeling hurt, and he laughed at her. “You didn’t honestly think I cared, did you?”

She had thought he cared. She had thought that they were friends—or becoming friends, at least. “What about your change of heart?”

“I told you, I have no heart.”

“Just like your god.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Without weakness.”

“Love isn’t weakness.”

“Yes it is,” he told her calmly. “Caring about people gets in the way of your judgment. You’ve proven that yourself. Instead of doing something smart, like getting rid of the dagger or getting people to help, you predictably went to see Ayden. And then you got so wrapped up in feelings that you stupidly let yourself get caught.”

“Still worth it,” she insisted. “And it’s not just a one-way thing. I love, but I’m also loved by others. At least I’m not alone.”

He laughed harshly. “Take a look around you, Tess. No one is here for you. Where is all your love now? Even your precious puppy turned his back on you, didn’t he?”

She couldn’t stop her tears. He was right. She was alone for the first time in her life. She had lost everyone, even Ayden.

Irritated by her crying, Matt’s hand shot out suddenly and grabbed a fistful of her tangled hair. He pulled her face close to his so quickly that she had to put her bound hands on his chest to keep herself from falling on him. “Go to sleep,” he told her in a low snarl.

She jerked away from him and went back to the blanket he had given her. She yanked harder than necessary on the rope, and he gave the other end a sharp tug, telling her to knock it off. She lay down and continued to cry silently.

It was worse than just being alone, because no one who cared about her even knew where she was. What would Ayden tell her family when he got back to Brunya City? How long would it take before they figured out that she wasn’t coming back? She thought of her father and cried harder. She wanted to be home so badly. She wanted him to tell her that it would be okay like he always did. She wanted to feel safe and loved again.

She wanted Ayden to read her a story. She wanted to rest her head in his lap and listen to his comforting voice, to feel his hand as he absentmindedly caressed her arm. She wanted to fall asleep, feeling content in the knowledge that he would be there when she woke up, because Ayden was always there.

People had joked about how they were inseparable, but it had been true. So much so that now, without him, her life just didn’t make sense to her. Even if, by some miracle, she could get out of this, what was she supposed to do without him? How could she live her life if he wasn’t in it?

And it was all her fault. She had lost everything because of lust. She had trained for years and thought she was prepared for anything, but she had never expected someone like Matt.