1. "Epic Hotness Countdown"

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Centering Calliope,
Muse of Epic Story:

The calls come in.
The phone lines flash.
     I press the broadcast button,
          live-streaming to the mortal world:

"Rounding out the list
     of this week's most-requested epics,
          Witchy Woman by Apollonius of Rhodes
          falls three spots to Number 5;
     These Arms of Mine by Virgil
     sails to the Number 4 position,
               knocking Hesiod's Gotta Be Startin' Somethin'
               out of the Top Five for the first time in a century;
     Changes by Ovid
     holds steady in the Number 3 spot;
          while this week's biggest riser,
          jumping three spots to Number 2,
          is Stanky Legg by Homer; and
retaining the top spot
for the hundred and forty thousandth week in a row,
     Rage!
     Homer's classic song about Achilles,

          son of Peleus and Thetis,
     whose fatal anger
     dispatched many brave warriors to Hades's realm,
               leaving their bodies
               as spoils for dogs and carrion birds.

"Isn't that lovely?

     "This week, the Caliope Channel is pleased to present
          an unplugged cover of Rage!
                    recorded live in our studio,
               high atop Mount Helicon.

"This rendition features
     Agamemnon on keys,
        Far-Shooting Apollo on the bass-lyre,
   the vocal stylings of Briseis and Patroclus, 
     Hector providing counterpoint,
        the percussive genius of Odysseus,
   a backing orchestra of thousands
        and our frontman,
             Achilles,
     bringing the song's eponymous fire.

"Rage! begins now.

"Enjoy!"

Author Commentary:

An author commentary for this installment is available to subscribers of the free Mythoversal Newsletter.

EPIC CYCLE ROADMAP:

* The Kypria
* The Iliad
* The Posthomerica
* Tales of Nostos
* The Odyssey
* The Telegony
* The Aeneid
  Rage is the first book of the Iliad. Amazons is the first book of the Posthomerica.
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